If I wanted attention, all I had to do was show how clever I truly was.
Books were something I never had to read. I read them, devoured them, but I found them uninspiring. Rare was the book that offered me a thought that I'd never seen.
To be fair, I was quite clever. New thoughts were quite rare. I discovered the Pythagorean theorum before a book showed it to me. I connect dots most people couldn't see. I figured out things about people before writers wrote them in places I read them. I deciphered the mathematics of poetry and the poetry of mathematics, musically.
I was clever. It sure got me attention rapidly.
Deep inside, it felt like a magic trick, a gymnastics routine. "Look at me! I'm clever. Watch me do this! $10,000 if I'm not alive!"
Circus girl clever.
I didn't realize that wasn't the attention I needed. It didn't bring anyone closer to me.
Clever was clever, but I wasn't nice or reasonable.
Clever wasn't so clever, not really.
--me liz strauss, letting me be