Sunday, February 24, 2008

Clever, Not Really

I used to be clever.

If I wanted attention, all I had to do was show how clever I truly was.

Books were something I never had to read. I read them, devoured them, but I found them uninspiring. Rare was the book that offered me a thought that I'd never seen.

To be fair, I was quite clever. New thoughts were quite rare. I discovered the Pythagorean theorum before a book showed it to me. I connect dots most people couldn't see. I figured out things about people before writers wrote them in places I read them. I deciphered the mathematics of poetry and the poetry of mathematics, musically.

I was clever. It sure got me attention rapidly.

Deep inside, it felt like a magic trick, a gymnastics routine. "Look at me! I'm clever. Watch me do this! $10,000 if I'm not alive!"

Circus girl clever.

I didn't realize that wasn't the attention I needed. It didn't bring anyone closer to me.

Clever was clever, but I wasn't nice or reasonable.

Clever wasn't so clever, not really.

--me liz strauss, letting me be


Dawn said...

Your first line gives it away. You are one of the fortunate ones that learns the difference while there's still time. That person is called wise, not clever.

ME Strauss said...

Thank you, Dawn,
I still wish I had learned it so very much sooner than I did. :)

Dr.John said...

Another piece of good writing. I don't know if your clever or wise but you write well.

ME Strauss said...

Hi John,
I like the way you look at the world. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Life is all about learning isn't it?
who we are, what makes us tick, how we connect with others. You have learned about connecting for the right reasons. It shows in your writing, the caring, sharing spirit in you shines through and your light reaches us. You are wise I think and clever too and your writing is wonderful.

ME Strauss said...

Hi Easy,
Yeah, the more I learn, the more I realize that learning, not knowledge, is the goal. It's a joy to know, but it's joyous to be learning, especially when it's learning about people I know.

Janus Torrell said...

yes, and if people are clever they tend to want to "borrow" your homework.

I prefer to have people think I am stupid, that way they don't bother me for help :)

ME Strauss said...

It sounds like you're having a time when the world is on your shoulders. Tell them "no." You get to own your homework. You did it and it's yours all complete.