Had I finally found that one tremendous failure and didn’t recognize it? Maybe my optimistic spirit was keeping me from seeing, from knowing what everyone already knew, but couldn’t tell me.
It was possible. I might have turned down a lonely road so wrong, so lost in space I had no hope of coming back. How would I know?
Each day I’d remember my mother saying, “You keep putting one foot in front of the other. You reach inside, pick yourself up, and keep on going.” I hadn’t found another option. My heart was telling me it was a matter of time. The universe was not a bad or angry place. Was I delusional?
Every day the glorious sunrise came. It wasn’t for me. The sun set on my resilience. People became my air, my food – they saw a me that I so wanted. The fog of not knowing and wondering whether my believing would be my mistake was the greatest test of all. Iwondered if you could somehow walk off a cliff and not know that you had fallen until you landed.
Then a good thing happened.
That good thing wasn’t my first idea. No, no I’d had so many. It was the first that had the magic. It had the stuff of stars that makes ideas remarkable and real, sparkling with sophisticated simplicity. A spectacular light made a first star so bright it cleared the cosmic dust, so bold it shone in infinite deep feeling color. The soundless vacuum broke into music, sliding like silk all over it.
The universe exhaled relief to find the tension over.
My posture and my disposition lightened. My shoulders softened and my voice got brighter. My thoughts cleared up. My heart slowed down. My fear seemed distant and worthy of study. My calm was here to clear my desk, to organize my head, and to recognize my value as someone.
Despite all logic, I trust that times have changed now. No proof, no medicine is as healing, no sign can turn a lonely road to an adventure as quickly as when a good thing happens.
−me strauss Letting me be