Sunday, October 15, 2006

Take My Trust

Here I am. I am writing while the sun’s still sleeping. I have a promise I must keep, a hope I can’t shake loose. One word’s been following me. It’s been around for days, stalking my thoughts.

I told myself I would write it.

I hear the muffled sounds of invisible cars, passing by in the darkness outside, Look-alike people drive look-alike machines that they sit inside. I sit alone, recalling empty words covering fearful or worse, nonexistent, feelings.

Listening to the genuinely empty sounds around me, I hear the echoes of unanswered calls, of friends who let friends down, of dates and meetings forgotten, of promises made without care.

I think, wandering my cares and fears, wondering if this is how others think of theirs. I'm trying to sort out the whys, hoping to find some sort of reason. I realize the risk and still the question remains to haunt me.

Where did the trust go?

Every voice around me seems bundled, tied, and locked inside a safety box. Each safety box is wrapped to look as if it’s not, as if it's invisible. The fear, the hiding is so sad. It hurts. It’s not right. It’s not good. Trust or fear weaves through every act. It filters their words, coloring the meanings. Words have wide eyes that look with yearning, spaces between them stare with hope. They beg, Can you see me? Can I trust you? Do you trust me? Will we trust each other?

Everywhere I go I see it. Trust is whispering its name. It interrupts our conversations. You said trust yesterday. Two more said it this week.

Where did the trust go? We had it. We shared it freely, boldly without fear, without secrets. Were we really that brave? Were we that naïve?

We were trustworthy.

We are trustworthy still. We can trust that we know just as we did then.

Take my trust. Take all you need.

I have plenty because without it, I can’t breathe.

−me strauss Letting me be

10 comments:

Tell No One said...

Love/Fear/Love/Fear.
It's a struggle for me to create my words from the place you call trust. I don't want to carry around my invisible box anymore.
Releasing that means a relinquishing of expectation first. It's not the box that I'm afraid to let go of, it's the expectation. She creates my fear. So frustrating.
Thank you for being a person big enough and strong enough to show others that it's possible.
I'm trying

Katrina

ME Strauss said...

Hello, tell no one,
It's not the letting go that takes strength; it's the holding on. Use my trust whils you need it. :)

Trée said...

If you ever run low, I have a rather large surplus and would be happy to give you all you need. Wouldn't want you not to breathe. :-)

ME Strauss said...

Ah Tree,
Life is good that I should have a friend like you. I'll breathe easier just knowing. There's cookies and tea by the chair always waiting.

Trée said...

Bring some cookies and come see Rog. He's got a smile for you that starts at his lips and flows over his cheeks and into his eyes. Its contagious. :-)

ME Strauss said...

Tree,
I'll bring some cookies for and for Rog. I'll be right over.

Dawn said...

Liz, you pack a lot into this one post.

I'm a person who has trouble trusting others. I don't really know why that is, but I know it's true about me. Something else that's true about me is that once trust is established I do everything I know how to preserve that trust.

I don't know how beneficial it is to wander through empty words of the past. I hope that it leads you to the answer you're looking for.

ME Strauss said...

Hi Dawn,
No worries about my wandering. I was just wandering while I was wondering. It's a way of find all sides of a word I want to know intimately.

Jessica said...

To quote your comment: It's a way of findind all sides of a word I want to know intimately.

Trust is a search of honesty in oneself. Your post was beautiful Liz. I couldn't have worded it any better or worse.

My box is breaking, maybe leaking perhaps... pretty soon there will be a river, a river of words and emotions that in the end will continue on.

We learn to box ourselves in. We all get to a point where we must think outside the box. It only gets so big or small for that matter on the inside. On the outside, the inside doesn't appear so special anymore. We realize we all have shared thoughts and feelings.

xo

ME Strauss said...

Hello friend,Jessica,
When we trust, our hearts get bigger than any box we might have made and they hold all of us inside softly safe, but still able to feel everything from joy to pain. That's how we know we're alive and can love.