One of my brothers was a ringmaster. He could get a room going and make things happen. The other of my brothers could sit in room on Christmas, a room of chaos and read a book on finance. It wasn’t that he wasn’t present. He was there and aware. He just wasn’t an active participant.
He could do that on family visits. It’s who he is. The consummate introvert. No reason to talk. Well then, he didn’t. To put it plainly, the man is thoughtful, kind, but very efficient.
Last night at Christmas Eve, I watched my son. He takes after his uncle. He participated as might, but most he worked on syncing his computer. I thought about what he was missing − the chance to find out more. The chance for conversation, to ask questions to learn that one lovely, lush detail that he, one day, might pass on to his children.
Meanwhile his father and his father’s mother discovered that when set aside their fear of each they really had things they might talk about. Their conversation was deeply philosophical or life changing in any way, except that they had it without looking for reasons not to trust each other. He’s barely a man now. He’ll learn the difference one day.
Christmas is about being with family, not just attending.
It’s so many golden moments of discovery.
He could do that on family visits. It’s who he is. The consummate introvert. No reason to talk. Well then, he didn’t. To put it plainly, the man is thoughtful, kind, but very efficient.
Last night at Christmas Eve, I watched my son. He takes after his uncle. He participated as might, but most he worked on syncing his computer. I thought about what he was missing − the chance to find out more. The chance for conversation, to ask questions to learn that one lovely, lush detail that he, one day, might pass on to his children.
Meanwhile his father and his father’s mother discovered that when set aside their fear of each they really had things they might talk about. Their conversation was deeply philosophical or life changing in any way, except that they had it without looking for reasons not to trust each other. He’s barely a man now. He’ll learn the difference one day.
Christmas is about being with family, not just attending.
It’s so many golden moments of discovery.
−me strauss Letting me be
6 comments:
I relate to your brother and your son. People like us always hope that others will simply accept our physical presence as what we are able to give and not try to cajole or shame us into something that we can't do.
It must be fascinating to be in a group and be aware of the different interactions taking place.
Merry Christmas Liz!
Hi Dawn,
I think it's fine that my brother and my son sort of monitor the room. Sometimes I'm just as they are, doing my own things feeling cool being apart, but there. Letting folks know I'm okay.
No everyone is a party animal and not every party needs everyone to be. That's what some folks never learn. :)
I wish I had paid more attention at family gatherings when I was young.
We've had a Canadian visitor asking about Christmas customs, and that got me noticing and writing down things we did, in a way u hadn't done before.
Hi Steve
I understand. Traditions sometimes don't have deep, deep meaning until we find ourselves missing them.
The American justice Dept. have recently approved the power of yoga and meditation vide a recent judgement in the American court."Man Who Slapped Wife Sentenced to Yoga, It's Anger Management, Says Judge." First there was house arrest. Now there's yoga. A judge ordered a man convicted of slapping his wife to take a yoga class as part of his one-year probation. "It's part of anger management," County Criminal Court at Law Judge Larry Standley said of the ancient Hindu philosophy of exercise and well-being. "For people who are into it, it really calms them down. " Standley, a former prosecutor, said the case of James Lee Cross was unique. Cross, a 53-year-old car salesman from Tomball, explained that his wife was struggling with a substance abuse problem and that he struck her on New Year's Eve during an argument about her drinking. "He was trying to get a hold of her because she has a problem," Standley said after the court hearing. "I thought this would help him realize that he only has control over himself." The sentence came as a surprise to Cross, who was told to enroll in a class and report back to Standley on his progress. "I'm not very familiar with it," Cross said of yoga. "From what I understand, it may help in a couple ways, not only as far as mentally settling, but maybe a little weight loss." Darla Magee, an instructor at Yoga Body Houston in River Oaks, said she would recommend that Cross take a basic yoga class emphasizing breathing and including a variety of postures -- forward bends, back bends and twists. "Yoga can help us to get rid of many emotional issues we might have," she said. "It's a spiritual cleanse." Prosecutor Lincoln Goodwin agreed to a sentence of probation without jail time because Cross had no significant criminal history http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/metropolitan/2365341.
We all need our way to find ourselves. I wonder whethr being forced is a way that will work. I suppose it is a choice in the sense that it's better thah what else I might with the same time in that situation. Hmmmmm
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