Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Lioness

My mother taught me everything thing I know about strength and courage in the face of adversity. She challenged me at every turn. She feared the world would hurt me. She knew I had too many feelings. She wasn't always sure quite what to do with me. How long was it before I understood? She was a Leo, a lioness, who had lost much, yet never raged or roared righteously, never tore at the world for what it took from her.

There is a difference between love for a child that is hard, distant, and conditional and protective love that is fiercely courageous, yet unspeakingly fearful.
−me strauss Letting me be


Mama Mouse said...

Your mother and mine had much in common. She too was a lioness, born in August and had lost much in her life before I was born. She lost much afterwards too. She was fiercely protective of me and even though I always felt a bit suffocated by that protectiveness, I never resented it. I knew why ... and loved her all the more.

Mothers, especially Leo mothers, can be great lionesses ... protecting their offspring as only they can!

ME Strauss said...

Thank you for writing that, Mama Mouse.

My mom lost a little girl.

She had to protect herself from too much love. She was very worried the world would eat me alive because of my feeling. I think it might have taken some of hers. Yes, she was a Leo.

You see your mother with such a loving filter. I hear that in what you say. You know forgiveness and compassion. I find those two words beautiful.

Mama Mouse said...

My mother lost a little girl too ... at the age of three. Such a sad thing ... I can't imagine it.

ME Strauss said...

That must be awful. I can't imagine how painful it was for her. I can imagine what it was like for you though.

Roberta said...

me strauss, that was so beautifully put that I am speechless. These is so much in this brief chant that the words take on the same power and spirit as spine-tingling music

Mama Mouse said...

Ah Strauss ... I was my mother's second chance. My half sister was her first child and my mother was very young. I wasn't to be born till 13 years after my half sister died. I did not go through the agony of losing her ... but I have lived my life missing her. I have it on good authority that she watches over my youngest son.

You too must feel the pain of loss, whether it is personal for you, or second hand. It isn't easy to watch our mother's grieve and yet we must. I think that only mother's can understand what it must be like to lose a child. And then even we can't do that fully, unless we too have lost one. Fortunately, that has not been my burden in this life.

ME Strauss said...

Hi Ms. Roberta,
You say so much in your comment. Thank you. My mother was a complex woman. She took me a while to understand. Wow. I am speechless in return. Thank you for hearing me.

ME Strauss said...

Yeah, we took our son to a psychologist when he was very small for some other thing and this came up. She said I was a replacement child and that replacement children never quite feel that they have the right to be on the planet. That was very revealing to me.

michaelm said...

My mom was much the same way. I was adopted (along with my twin sister) so mom had a challenge making me understand the grey area involved with the psyche of an adopted child. I remember her telling me one day, "You are special because you weren't born under my heart like most kids but in it." To this day, I can still hear her saying it. Smart lady, my mom.


ME Strauss said...

Oh Michael,
What a wise and lovely woman your mom was to know how to say that so well for a child who still rememvers it. That's a gift.