You don't know how much you intimidate me. If I don't know . . . if I don't know . . . help me, please.
—me strauss Letting me be
15 comments:
Anonymous
said...
This post made me wonder, Liz, how helpful would it be to know what it is about ourselves that intimidates another? Usually, it's not something we can change and still be true to who we really are.
If I knew that there was something about me that intimidated you, whenever I was with you I'd be so caught up in trying to avoid that behavior that I wouldn't be able focus, or be honest with you. I'd probably try to avoid you. Which is what I do with people who do intimidate me. I don't see a resolution either way.
I don't know, but if I did. Maybe I'd find a way not to be scary. Maybe I'd realize when you couldn't tell me and then we wouldn't silently hurt each other.
I don't know... first, in seeing you in pain, the immediate & natural reaction, the human reaction - is to feel sympathy & to look for a solution - but that, you tell us, is the 'wrong' reaction.
Now, we 'intimidate' you?
I don't know... for someone who is so careful with words, seems you are putting an interesting twist on things.
To me "intimidation" is active, it is a form of abuse, something done to frighten a person into submission. It is an act intended to induce fear or a sense of inferiority into another person.
And yet, in the course of normal, easy-going conversation, one which you control & in which nobody hardly ever attacks, you say you feel 'intimidated'.
Is 'intimidation' the right word to use? Are there other issues related to self-esteem at play here?
Earlier, Dawn mentioned she'd be so caught up in trying to avoid behavior that intimidated you that she wouldn't be able to focus.
But what if her behavior is absolutely normal to begin with? As in having the 'wrong' reaction on hearing of your chronic pain.
Seems like maybe you are twisting things around a bit - attributing behaviors to others which are really the creation of your own outlook?
I don't know about you, but I'm not a very good mind reader & it's difficult to know, exactly, what is on someone's mind.
I can guess & do the best I can, but in the end - people will think what they want & some may feel "intimidated'. It's usually never my intention. So be it.
We all care about our impact on others. Your writing impacts people in ways you can never know. The intent of your prose is inspiring, but how it effects the reader is beyond your control.
For example, I once led a group in meditation. I told a lovely sotry about babies, meant to inspire us to connect with our inner child and embrace inocence. Sadly, a woman in the group was mourning the death of her baby. She had a nervous breakdown the next day. I will forever wince at that memory.
Another example was when I intentionally intimidated a friend who was an out of control alcoholic. It was tough love that worked.
Im just saying that there is more than one color in this box of crayons.
Kelley, You are one of my wisest friends. You always bring such clarity to the conversation. Thank you for that. I will forever be grateful for your words and your insights.
15 comments:
This post made me wonder, Liz, how helpful would it be to know what it is about ourselves that intimidates another? Usually, it's not something we can change and still be true to who we really are.
If I knew that there was something about me that intimidated you, whenever I was with you I'd be so caught up in trying to avoid that behavior that I wouldn't be able focus, or be honest with you. I'd probably try to avoid you. Which is what I do with people who do intimidate me. I don't see a resolution either way.
I don't know, but if I did. Maybe I'd find a way not to be scary. Maybe I'd realize when you couldn't tell me and then we wouldn't silently hurt each other.
Maybe.
Or maybe we'd just walk on eggshells around each other. Eventually that would make our feet hurt.
Hi Dawn,
You make me smile. It could be that I'm trying to walk on water rather than eggshells. :)
LOL :)
Hi!
I don't know... first, in seeing you in pain, the immediate & natural reaction, the human reaction - is to feel sympathy & to look for a solution - but that, you tell us, is the 'wrong' reaction.
Now, we 'intimidate' you?
I don't know... for someone who is so careful with words, seems you are putting an interesting twist on things.
To me "intimidation" is active, it is a form of abuse, something done to frighten a person into submission. It is an act intended to induce fear or a sense of inferiority into another person.
And yet, in the course of normal, easy-going conversation, one which you control & in which nobody hardly ever attacks, you say you feel 'intimidated'.
Is 'intimidation' the right word to use? Are there other issues related to self-esteem at play here?
Earlier, Dawn mentioned she'd be so caught up in trying to avoid behavior that intimidated you that she wouldn't be able to focus.
But what if her behavior is absolutely normal to begin with? As in having the 'wrong' reaction on hearing of your chronic pain.
Seems like maybe you are twisting things around a bit - attributing behaviors to others which are really the creation of your own outlook?
E
E
No, I've been told I intimidate others, but don't know it. If I don't know, how can it be something done to frighten a person?
Like intimidation is a BAD thing?
(Kelley says while cocking one eyebrow with a smirk and a stare.)
I've been told the same...
I don't know about you, but I'm not a very good mind reader & it's difficult to know, exactly, what is on someone's mind.
I can guess & do the best I can, but in the end - people will think what they want & some may feel "intimidated'. It's usually never my intention. So be it.
E
Anything that I do that I don't know I'm doing isn't something I think of as a good thing.
I care about my impact on others.
We all care about our impact on others. Your writing impacts people in ways you can never know. The intent of your prose is inspiring, but how it effects the reader is beyond your control.
For example, I once led a group in meditation. I told a lovely sotry about babies, meant to inspire us to connect with our inner child and embrace inocence. Sadly, a woman in the group was mourning the death of her baby. She had a nervous breakdown the next day.
I will forever wince at that memory.
Another example was when I intentionally intimidated a friend who was an out of control alcoholic. It was tough love that worked.
Im just saying that there is more than one color in this box of crayons.
Kelley,
You are one of my wisest friends. You always bring such clarity to the conversation. Thank you for that. I will forever be grateful for your words and your insights.
I ain't skeered. You seem like a nice lady.
Of course,a 6' blond will intimidate some people. Not your fault.
I'd neever intimidate you, darling.
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