“Prego,” “Grazie,” “Prego”

I went to Catholic School. From what I hear of Catholic Schools it seems it was the only one on Earth where all of the nuns were beautiful, sang like angels and had perfect handwriting. They also had impeccable manners. The Sisters made sure to teach us those manners. It was their duty.

Manners, they told us, were a sign of respect for other people. So we learned them well and formally. We said things like “Pardon me,” whenever we passed in front of someone and stood whenever a grown-up entered the room. I didn’t realize that the manners I was learning weren’t the manners of everyday people.

I guess I lost my formal manners the day at dance class when I asked my dance instructor, “May I please use the lavatory?” She didn’t know what I was talking about. I was so embarrassed I could hardly get the word bathroom out. Luckily I made it there in time to get my leotard down.

Years later I went to Bologna, Italy. Bologna, where the 6’5” black haired, blue-eyed cab driver drove all the way back with a smile because I gave him to many lira. I said, “Grazie,” He said, “Prego.” My adrenaline made my heart beat faster. Eye contact is something in Bologna. Go there. You’ll see.

My Aussie friends and I went to the little bar in our hotel, where our young bartender, Luca was. He was 30. He had no English. He needed none. He welcomed us. “Prego,” said Luca. “Grazie,” we said. “Prego,” he said again. There went my adrenaline. Eye contact one more time. I started to realize that Americans don’t say, “You’re welcome,” anymore and thinking it was a shame, because I was liking how good it felt to hear it.

We got out the phrase book and shared simple phrase. I pointed to my head and said in Italian, “The battery’s dead.” Luca laughed. He got us a drink. “Grazie,” we said. “Prego,” he said again. Adrenaline. Eye contact all over again.

It was the same in every restaurant, coffee shop, art gallery, taxi cab, bar, bookstore we visited. “Prego,” “Grazie,” “Prego,” with an occasional Scuzí, if you happened to bump someone on the way in or out of a doorway. Each one always came with a smile and that eye contact. Go there. You’ll see.

I lost my manners in dance class and found them in Italy.

How they got there I’m not sure. But I made a point to bring them home with me.

—me strauss Letting me be