Friday, December 30, 2005

This New Year

This new year I’m going to pick myself up and dust myself off, as I do each day. I’m going to greet the sun with a smile, and thank it for its new light. I’m going to lay down my pain. I'm going to smile.

Instead of making resolutions for future times, I’m going to look back. I’ll look for the lessons that still need practicing. I’m going to find those things that still need some work.

I will visit the past year to find out what made it so hard for me. Why did I think I could carry such a heavy load and not fall down under it? What did I do to stand in my own way? What made me keep looking in the wrong direction? What do I need? Who did I hurt?

Who did I hurt besides me?

This new year I will replace misplaced responsibility with unbound, new found self-respect. Out will go guilt and in will come room, breathing room for others. I’ll lift that weight of blame for everything right off my shoulders. I’ll be leaving a place for me to stand to my full height—the same size place I leave for the other guy—without apology for the flaws I bear or the scars I’ve earned. I won’t give up my own commitments. I'll just give up those that belong to other people. I’m pretty sure that the world will keep on turning without my help. My son can cross the street safely without my words of wisdom to guide him.

This new year I want to be a learner again.

I’ll look back upon all of the last years for the bits of me I’ve left behind. I’ll find the sweet things that I used to do. Bits and pieces of me that my friends looked forward to. I’ll find the simple joys that I held dear and knew I could never lose. I’ll take in the details of life that used to fascinate me so much so that I drove people crazy speaking of them. This time, though, instead of talking, I’ll put them on paper, type them on screen. That will keep life's delicacies close to me. One day I will wrap them in ribbons and give them to my son.

This new year I’ll find out who I am by listening to the ones I love. I will hear what they value, what they think about, what their dreams are right now. I’ll let them touch the place in me where people haven’t been for a long, long time.

This year, I choose to be fully human. I choose to be alive again this new year.

—me strauss Letting me be


mergrl said...

what an absolutely wonderful post my friend (hugs)

thank you!

ME Strauss said...

Hi Mergrl,
Thank you, I hope you're still enjoying your days in the sun.
Hugs to you,

mojo shivers said...

Eh, I find myself reflecting on what I've done all the time. I don't need the excuse of a New Year to push me to the point of introspection.

I'm a Romantic Idealist, regret and contemplation are my life.

ME Strauss said...

Hi Mojo,
No worry I do that too, I think maybe I was moreso in that direction because this year has been such a bad one.

Kelley Bell said...


How could this year have been "a bad one' when you have offered so much of your soul to the world?
When you have grown so much, and bloomed so beautifully?

Adversity is motivator, teacher, facillitatior, and friend.

"Days of wine and roses" creates a dream of Eden, that falls apart under close scrutiny.

Did you ever watch Star Trek? There was an episode where Capt. Kirk was trapped on an Eden like planet.

But he was unhappy in paradise. He needed adventure, and a bit of stress, to test his metal, know his worth, and define his identity.

"a bad one" indeed!

Get down on your knees girl, and give thanks for every #@$% that has befallen you.

There is no bad or good, just yin and yang. Both are needed to make the circle complete.

Remember: Beautiful Gardens grow from Dung Hills.

ME Strauss said...

Kelley Bell,
I love you.
I know all you say is true. But then you know that.
I'm not whining believe me. I'm only hoping to keep my son in college. :) Personal growth doesn't impress them at Georgetown. :P

Kelley Bell said...


Doug said...

You mean you get more graceful? *shivers*

ME Strauss said...

Alas, I profess my love and the lady laughs. Woe is me. LOL

Happy new year and happy everything.

ME Strauss said...

Hey Doug,
I can't help it. It was all of those years of dance training I guess. Or maybe Catholic school. Or it could be that I'm just a Google bot pretending to be a person. :)

Kelley Bell said...

I love you too. But then you know that.


(I was laughing about the Georgetown Joke. Institiutions of higher learning not being impressed with personal growth...Thats FUNNY!)

Mark Daniels said...

Very nice! I look forward to your 2006 posts.

God bless!


ME Strauss said...

Yeah, Kelley,
I know. that's partly why I said it.
cynical grin and a smile,

ME Strauss said...

Thank you, Mark,
I'm glad my 2006 will have you in it.

fineartist said...

Me too Liz, me too. I want to be fully human too. I want to feel all of the emotions that I have been afraid to feel. I want love more fully. I want to learn.

Right now I want to stop this darned crying, it's becoming a habit with me lately. I am a big old bawl baby, that's me.

awesome, now, where is my tissue?

ME Strauss said...

Hi Lori,
Me too, with the tissue, I've just gotten used to it. I think my body just tired from living this year through. I'm ready for 2006.