Scribbles Interview: Teh Blog Father

This Just In from The 65th Crayon:
Choosing to stay close to home for the Thanksgiving holiday—the busiest travel weekend in the U.S.—the 65th Crayon told a few colorful tales about Al Capone and Elliot Ness to organize an interview with the colorful character and alleged mafia kingpin, Teh Blog Father.

“It was a bit intimidating at first,” said our small crayon friend. “Goons with guns picked me up—they actually picked me up—and wanted to put me in their pocket, but finally I ended up in the back seat of a very long, black stretch limo. I saw bullets that were bigger than me,” he said.
“I was blindfolded until we got inside the mansion,” our reporter waxed eloquently. “It was mostly black and green neon. Then I was taken to the den to kiss the ring of Teh Blog Father, who looked much like Marlon Brando in that movie,” the 65th Crayon scratched his point, “ . . . I can’t remember what it was called. That’s when the interview began.”

Where did you grow up, Blogfather?
I spent my childhood jumping between two countries in East Africa. Tanzania, my native homeland, is where I was born and spent the majority of my time until I was in grade 3. From grade 3 I attended boarding school in Kenya, a country that borders Tanzania. So during the school term, I'd be in Kenya and during summer, my siblings and I would go home to Tanzania.

This arrangement continued until I was ready to pursue higher education. I had been studying in British schools so the logical move was to go to the UK, and that is where I have been ever since. Oh, while I am at it, let me adhere to a time-honored tradition in saying that British weather is bad for your health (and yes, I have a scientific proof for it: extra body hair).

Did you have crayons? Tell me about them. What was your favorite color?
I did. I was quite the little Picasso, drawing cartoons, cool gadget weapons and all manner of stuff relevant to young boys with aspirations to conquer the world. I distinctly remember my mother buying me an instructional book on drawing mechanical things like cars and robots. Red, for reasons I don't know, featured heavily in that book so naturally my crayon preferences favored that color.

At the moment though, my favorite color is blue. My mouse pad is mostly blue. My favorite mug is blue. My computing texts have blue covers. My shower gel is blue in color. Even my eyes are blue. . . . well OK, so they are brown, but a man can prevaricate once in a while, nay?

Since you were born into the blogging life, how was your childhood different from other kids?
To begin with, it was similar to that of others. I created a computer programming blog, complete with the standard template. Then I started writing. Nobody knew I existed, and for about 6 months, only two other bloggers cared. I had Adsense ads there, and they reminded me daily that my get-filthy-rich-quick scheme was a miserable failure.

Then I joined BlogExplosion, discovered you, Melly, and Jennifer and blogging became really fun. Of course a few months after I became a mafia kingpin, Teh Blogfather, and the world would be changed forever (*cough*). I could rob banks, hustle in the corner, give people offers they couldn't refuse, own flying cars and driving planes, invent things like the frog dance, and so much more. Suddenly, I became famous enough to stop giving autographs to my own shadow and could now give them to . . . oh wait—nobody's asked for one yet. Hmmmmmm.

How does your business work? Are you troubled by the blog police?
I'm in the business of doing favors for bloggers the world over. For the price of telling me a joke, quote, or fact, anyone can submit a blog and I'll promote it, using my skewed sense of humor, to an ever growing audience. That's the deal behind the core business and 112 bloggers have enjoyed using it so far.

As for the blogging police, money talks. Actually, that should be jokes talk. The moment the police try to harass me, they usually change their mind after seeing the crazy and light-hearted nature of the blog. Or it may be the fact that I have 52 bloggers in Teh Blogfather Family, and ticking off the family is not such a good idea.

Do you have any advice for some stupid kid who might want to take your place?
Yes, if they are a stupid kid, then they already meet the criteria to survive in my shoes—stupidity. As inflamatory as that may sound, it makes a lot of sense considering the amount of time it takes to run Teh Blogfather, and the fact that I'm doing it for free. Charging people for it may take the fun away, so I prefer instead to rob banks, raid tip jars, launder money, and give the proceeds to the poor—which in this case consists of me, myself and I— a 21st century Robin Hood.

One last question, Blog Father. Do you worry about falling to tax evasion like Al Capone did?
Tax evasion is really a matter of perspective. Tax processing takes paperwork. Government workers are paid from tax-payers money. Taxes are used to pay civil servants who process those tax payments, it's effectively spending hard-robbed cash to have a paper stamped. When I evade taxes, I'm saving those poor civil servants from having to engage in the futility of it all.

As for jail, that is inevitable. What self-respecting mafia kingpin can call himself one unless he's spent time on the wrong side of the bars? And after all, people don't have to pay taxes in jail.

“So there you have it,” said the 65th Crayon. “Words of wisdom from our local neighborhood Mafia Kingpin.”

As he walked off, the colorful lad was heard to say, “I'm glad crayons don’t have a Mafia, blindfolds make me scared of the dark.” The 65th Crayon said he'd see us later. He was on his way to Teh Blog Father's place to play the Nickname Picture Game again.

—me strauss Letting me be
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Scribbles: Invisible Dog Scamming Internet

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