Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Transition Relief

I have trouble making transitions. I have to work up to every one. I have to talk myself into the shower, and I have to talk myself out again.

I don’t want to go to bed at night. I’m a kid who’s sure I’ll miss something neat. I tell my husband I need fair warning before he goes to bed—time so that I can transition. He tells me, “Honey, stay up instead.” If I don’t go when he does, I’ll stay up until sunrise, stuck in a loop like a computer glitching. How do I explain that he is my transition insurance? He thinks I'm just being a pain.

I have to make friends with my food before I eat. I just can’t dig in abruptly. I have to stare at a book before I read it, even if I’m on page 413. I have trouble making transitions.

I don’t like getting on an airplane. I don’t like getting off. But I really like 14-hour flights to Australia, where I can be anyone I want. When time comes to get off and I am met by a friend, I start acting like I quite don’t know who I am. After being so comfortable up in the air, I need time to get myself grounded again. I sort of act silly and nervous, even with family and longtime friends. Lucky for me, most people say they don’t notice that I’m acting weirdly. From the inside it feels like it’s screaming off me.

I’m thinking about changing the pencils I use to write in my new leather journal. It’s going to take me some time I can see. Writers take pencils very seriously. I won’t have a problem choosing the pencils. I make decisions quite efficiently. In fact, I purchased the pencils last week. They’re sharpened and sitting right here.

The time it will take is what I invest in observing each pencil individually. I have trouble making transitions.

Maybe this time it will happen when I’m not looking.

What a relief that would be.
—me strauss Letting me be

18 comments:

Jennifer said...

You know most people have the other problem...they rush through everything as if it's a race to get from one activitiy to the next. I think I rather have your dilemma...there's something to say for being aware of all your surrounding, going ons, and taking it in and experiencing it all.

ME Strauss said...

Jennifer,
What a positive response. Thanks for your support. It's really not quite so bad as I made it out to be, but I do have a problem with transitions.

Thanks for finding a silver lining in a cloud.

rhein said...

an old old man told me once that God can be found in the transitions. maybe it's just your way of, you know, hanging out with god sometimes:), or a lot. anyway, i took that old man very seriously.

ME Strauss said...

Rhein,
What a wonderful way to look at things. I'm taking on that thought and making it my own. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

smiles,
Liz

dog1net said...

Liz:
Transitions have always been problematic for me as well. When faced with transition, I find myself experiencing ambivalence. The old, "Do I want to, or not?" question that nags before finally making a choice. I see you have been busily writing this week, and for that I envy you.
Scot

zilla said...

Ditto! Those long, overseas flights provide a real opportunity to spend a lot of time in your head.

Myrtle says the moment before you act is the moment of enlightenment and that it should be prolonged for as long as possible.

On that note, I'm not procrastinating, I'm having a religious experience.

Cool post(s), Liz.

cube said...

I don't think I've ever read a post such as this. I'm of 2 minds about it, not knowing whether to be sad for you or happy for you. I hope you make the most of it; that's all any of us can do with what we are & can't easily change.

I do know exactly what you mean about writing implements, only I'm very particular about pens.

Tanda said...

Liz, I think it's great that you give yourself time. People who do that are often more thoughtful.

I am guessing that you had a very stable home life as a child. I suppose I am your counterpart. I require change. Often. When I was growing up I moved more times than I can recall. Transition became automatic and I actually started looking forward to it. Now, if I stay in the same place too long, I find myself looking in the yellow pages for a new place to live, lol.

Take your sweet time.

ME Strauss said...

Wow, Zilla,
You and Rhein are turning my transition phobia into a religious experience. I feel so elevated.

Thank you.
Liz

ME Strauss said...

Hi Cube,

If this post seems a little strange to you, you have been hanging out around here enough. :) Strange shows up on a regular basis.

Thanks for thinking about whether you should be happy or sad. I say choose happy. It's a much better feeling.

smiles,
Liz

ME Strauss said...

Tanda,
What an interesting and on the money insight you make. Yes, I lived in one house growing up. Yet, I really enjoy change. I just don't like that moment of transition. There I am back to the semantics again.

shrug.

Liz

ME Strauss said...

Hi, Scot,
I know exactly what you mean.

The closer a transition looms the more things I can think of that I need to do. It's funny I love new beginnings, but I hate transitions. I wonder what the difference in the semantics is?

smiles,
Liz

Mark Cross said...

I am anal about my pencils, which have to be mechanical - .05. Nothing else will do. I carry one with me everywhere I go. I have 3 still in the package in my drawer. So I can so identify with you on the pencil fetish.

I live for transitions and blaze right through them. Different strokes…

ME Strauss said...

Whoa, Mark you are brave.

Perhaps it's like jumping into the cold swimming pool, the shock is too much I just have to ease my way in. I did keep a whole gross of pencils unsharpended once just because I liked having a complete set.

Doom/Blondie said...

Transistion Releif....

Wow - that is quite a remarkable insight.

Thank you

ME Strauss said...

Thank you, I think.

rdl said...

I sympathize with you,from another transition hater. Have a new laptop sitting in the box still cause i can't transition from here to there. Hate change in some things, love it in others. Wanted to thank you for the nice comment on my poetry blog. will have to get back to that abandoned space.

ME Strauss said...

Hi RDL,

No worries, did you read the comments here. Apparently, we're having a religious experience when we transition.

smiles,
Liz