Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Gems that Are Feelings

A single feeling may be the world’s rarest gem. They don’t occur alone in their pure and beautiful state often. Feelings of every kind are so electro-magnetic in nature. They attach to almost everything they are near.

When I was young feelings joined hormones with feet and rode on hormones with wings. They mixed cocktails with other feelings, turned into music, and made people’s names change. They were flowers, and sunrises, and the morning alarm clock.

To experience a feeling true and pure is stunning and wonderful. It may have happened twice in my life for sure. The rest of the time feelings came as part of a group -- love and happiness with a touch of insecurity, or maybe anger and confusion with a thread of compassion woven through.

But it can happen that a feeling can come without any others.

The doctor told my father that my mother, who was in a coma, would die by the end of that week.

No one, no person, no doctor can know that. He was wrong to think that, to say that, to tell my dad that about my mother. He was incredibly wrong to draw a line in the sand that would make an old man wait at the hospital, sleep on a four foot plastic loveseat in case that happened, in case the love of his life died in the middle of the night.

She did not die in that week.

I felt pure anger. I was anger alone. I had no other feeling. It was anger − plain, pure, perfect, simple. It was quiet, soft, and calm. It was as anger should be − natural and not fearful, with no need to harm. When anger isn’t mixed up with hormones and other feelings. It’s a fulfilling and gentle feeling.

It was easy to tell the man that God didn’t think he was a doctor and that he, the doctor, shouldn’t think he was God either.

Now I’m older and more feelings have lost their electricity. They aren’t so quick to attach to hormones. They are not so magnetic as they once were. My feelings like going deep and having space to spread out now. The words to describe them have become more important than the call to action that used to be them.

If pure anger can feel that way, just imagine what pure joy would be. What about love?

I’m learning how to polish and value the gems that are my feelings.
−me strauss Letting me be


Rosemary said...

I don't know that I've ever felt a singular emotion in my whole life. What a rarity.


"ME" Liz Strauss said...

Hi dirty butter,
It's a most rare thing. It's one worth looking for.

"ME" Liz Strauss said...

It's an interesting subject. I've been thinking about it, Jennifer, since I was younger than you are now.

Cheryl said...

I hope that in turn the doctor was blessed with pure remorse some time that night - the wide eyed, accepting, life changing sort not caught up in fear or confusion or ego.
Maybe you all grew (are growing?) a blessing for many.


"ME" Liz Strauss said...

Oh I think that doctor just remained a first class jerk.

I enjoyed my anger though. I really did. It was a happy anger state.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a friend and ended up looking right into his soul? This is an indescribable feeling.

I have, and I well never forget it. Our eyes met and we bypassed life as we know it and ended up soul to soul.

Wow! That was something else,

and ps...I don't mean to be picky, but God did say "I am the great physician :)

"ME" Liz Strauss said...

HI Ruth,
Yeah God did say that, but he wasn't thinking he was a human doctor, arrogant and stupid like this man was.

Yes, I have share the soul of a friend's eyes.

I've also seen the eyes of man who didn't have a soul. It hurt to look at him.

Anonymous said...

By the way, speaking of doctors, my girlfriend was in a coma 3 years ago from a fall. Her head smashed into the cement and she ended up with her whole side of her brain filled with blood becauser she was lying on the cement floor all night before she was found.

She was taken to the trauma unit and had passed the test for brain dead. Have you ever seen a live person who is brain dead? Horrible!

Anyways, the doctors told her hubby, my friend, that she will never wake up. He asked for organ donation...

My friend could not do it, not yet, he was still in shock.

So we all left the hospital at about 2 a.m. He went back with a very heavy heart early the next morning, to be greeted by his wife asking him for a glass of water.

How about that! This was a miracle indeed. I can imagine that would bring pure feelings for the rest of his life when he is reminded of that moment.

"ME" Liz Strauss said...

Why would God ever want to be a doctor? He is a miracle maker physician.

What a beautiful story, Ruth, and you share it so beautifully. Thank you. I think that is a special gift just to know about it.

Hope is a wonderfully sound.

dsnake1 said...

hi Liz, so glad i didn't miss this post, such a delight to read it.

"ME" Liz Strauss said...

Hi Dsnake,
I so enjoy the thoughts that you have about the world and the way that look words and feelings. You bring me to see new things.