I look out on the ocean, and I think how I never learned to swim.
I took the lessons. I passed and got the certificate. The paper has no meaning. I swim like a stone. I’m meant to stand at the ocean’s edge where the water and I might meet to share the same space.
I have to think that I didn’t learn to swim because my need not to learn was greater than my wish to conquer it. I understand, in a logical way, the abandon, the cool, fluid freedom from gravity that swimming has to offer. I realize the worlds that I will never encounter.
Still I cannot relinquish the connectedness I found when I first had my feet fully under me. It’s a connection I so dearly prize. I cannot give up. I cannot set it aside. I became part of the planet that day. My heart, my soul, my being won’t trade it. It is who I am.
My feet are part of the ground under me. My lungs are part of the air I breathe.
It’s not fear. It’s a “holding onto” the only boundaries I can rely on. After half a century I know. These boundaries – my feet on the ground and the air I breathe -- are a home base, a comfort for me.
Without my feet touching terra firma, my mind would float away, like a helium balloon let go. One idea, one passion, chasing and following, chasing and following, until any breeze could blow me, any hurricane could throw me. I need a home to return or I can't live with an open heart and a free spirit.
My mind needs the rest of me, and the rest of being, fully grounded − at least partially.
−me strauss Letting me be
4 comments:
To walk, swim and fly - I think you are good at all of them.
It's late, but here's wishing you all the best in the new year. Hope all is well.
Hi Indie,
You are the master at imagining the modes of transportation and the insides of people's minds. :)
Happy New Year, dear friend of mine!
Your thoughts seemed to blow cooling breezes over my hot thoughts. Like you, I cannot give up the ground of being, and after 55+ years, I know in some fashion this ME that I am.I chose diving out of planes ( I feared heights) to become my catalyst of letting go. Always being a somewhat grounded person, who feared soaring in the air or anywhere, I know now I can fly, I touched clouds and lived, I fell from the sky and touched Earth, solid ground like always and left my fears on the threshhold of a plane. I received my certificate after a number of jumps, but it doesn't note the increasing surrender I had with each succeeding jump...just the number of them. What was I afraid of? Being free of my fears is my first impression, now I know that it was letting go in stages that has changed my perspective of many things. I am never going to be a sky-diving enthusiast, will never qualify as a real or natural jumper and darned, I still can't swim without someone being close for rescue.
Your experience is touching my heart, you chanced what many would not have and it's been an enlightening event for you. I applaud you and know in my heart that you will one day swim like you were born to swim. I think I saw you when I was holding on too tightly to my fears. You are my mermaid, always. Thanks for the support.
An open heart is an indication of the courage we harbor deep within. You are an inspiration!!!
Dear Anonymous,
I've read your comment over and over. It seems to me that you are the brave one and the inspiration. I only write about my fears and face them. You live them out in real live. Wow. I stand back in wonder.
I have an open heart that sings your praises.
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