Saturday, November 25, 2006

Shining Their Light Back

To look at others and to see them . . .

I see who they are and I want to be them, their goodness shines, that one trait each one has captivates me. She is grace. He is laughter. She is generosity. He is kindness of the closest friend. She is regal and warm. One is paint spattered like life alive on a canvas all showy. The other is calm like the knowing canvas that holds the paint.

He was unconditional love, simple with the strength to be gentle. She was unconditional strength, complex with the love that she fought to hold onto and give away. He is sweet and funny -- a jewel and a gemstone so precious you know it when he's in the room His friends are more than fond of him. They miss him when he's not in the room.

I see each bit; know its' value; take it in; and try to make it my own.

I am a moon child and for so long, I my interactions were a reflection of others’ suns. I’d find the place where I am like they are. I'd make that part of me be who I was when they were around. It was not false. It was almost unscious. At the time, I thought of it as giving thing. For I was truly what was showing. Yet I was showing only a part of me, reflections -- the echoes of church music after the organist was gone. The music, the thoughts, the feelings amplied and heard bouncing by reflection off high arched ceilings that made the tones broader and more moving, that made me a tuner not an instrument. I was a mirror not an image, a mere reflection of everyone's sun.

Moonlight is soft, inviting, but intangible. It doesn't go deep and fades easily. It hasn't it's own fire to fuel it. It depends and changes on it's relationship to the sun. I wonder whether the sun finds the moon needy? I wonder whether the sun cares about the moon at all? Does the sun give credence to the moon's light? Does the sun recognize that light as its very own?

When I only reflected back to people who they are and I didn’t show my own thoughts or dreams. It was one more way to hide, thinking I wasn't good enough, one more way to not risk my trust. There is safety hiding behind the reflective light of the moon.

It was a long road to learn to be myself, and still know how to shine their light back.

It's a challenge to be a star when I choose to shine with the light of the moon.

−me strauss Letting me be

2 comments:

Dawn said...

This post really moves me, Liz.
It makes me think about people and places and the light that I've given, received, and hidden, or at least tried to hide.

I don't think the sun finds the moon needy. I think the sun depends on the moon to do what the sun can't - shine in dark places.

ME Strauss said...

What a lovely thought, Dawn. "The sun depends on the moon." I'll be thinking on that all day.