In those times, thoughts didn’t dare bother me I was meant to make sure the sun shines I was keeper of the stories and mysteries. Sweet dreams sought me out every night. I would dream of places that I might be, places I might find peaceful gardens where flower grow taller than I do and animals are not afraid of a small child.
But the inches came taller, taller. I was a child bigger than the tales I dreamed. So slowly the simple thoughts faded and I stayed inside, working, working. never running on green grass even in my mind. Oh how seriously I became. Oh how steady my feet stayed. Oh how I would walk in places that I had run, gardens that once were peaceful became escape from my mind which grew fuller and fuller with nagging worries and details, more details than I knew could assault what should be a relaxing time.
How to get back to what I had known before was the question? How do I do that before I forget that I knew it at all?
I learned to paint today. I’m not a painter. That wasn’t the choice or the reason. I splatter paint in real Jackson Pollack style. It was a memory not a work of art I needed then.
I needed to find that little girl who ran in the green field of time under a blue sky out to the oak tree that was all mine.
She was waiting. Just as I hoped and I knew she would be.
−me strauss Letting me be