I suppose asking for help doesn’t come easily for anyone. Surely that must true. We all must think of ourselves as able to find our way on our own, helping others . . . not the ones needing help.Need seems to place us lower than we might want to be. It takes us back to that dependency where we were, reaching up with a hand, reaching for someone stronger, smarter, more powerful, more adept than we are.
That’s the thought, the learning that I’m unraveling now. It doesn’t have to feel that way.
Reaching out for help doesn’t mean reaching up for strength.
Am I strong enough in my sense of self to believe that?
Can I ask for help and feel I’m not becoming dependent?
Of course I can. I can stand by your side and lean on you, knowing you’ll lean on me when you feel the same need.
You and I do that without thinking.
Asking for help is faith and trust. It’s something to live up to both ways. It makes us stronger, gentler, gives us grace.
I am learning how to become a human being. It takes help.
All I had to do was ask.
−me strauss Letting me be
16 comments:
I only asked in desperation. Not because I'm to proud to ask but because it's the only time I realize that I need help. My "know it all" attitude leaves me more vulnerable when I find myself in that place. Sheer ignorance. I know now that I need help.
One sentence captures the feeling I get when I read this.
"Am I strong enough in my sense of self to believe that?"
If I could stamp this life, those would be the words I'd choose.
Katrina
Oh tell no one,
You know, of course, I was writing about mu own fear. I think I might have reached a moment of desperation to. It wasn't pride for me either. It was fear, maybe that no one would be there.But folks are, maybe just not as I expected and the walk is still mine to walk to the end.
It took a time of unemployment for me to "get over myself" and realize that we are all relationally interconnected and it is OK to ask for help from time to time.
This should not in any way be construed to mean that I will stop and ask for directions under any circumstances, however!
Hi Chris!
I won't depend on you asking for directions . . . I know you as a guy who has no fear of having friends. You're certainly one I count among mine and I'd trust or help you in a minute.
Ahhh, asking for help. The most basic of human acts; or perhaps even one of the things that defines us as human. It usually takes me a long time to build up to it, exhausting every personal possibility first, and then having multiple conversations in my mind about exactly WHO and HOW to ask. If I actually do finally break down and ask, the answer is always the same - exactly how I respond when someone asks me for help - the most natural OF COURSE I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU. Then I feel foolish for having made such a huge thing out of it all.
Why do we do that?
Hi Dawn,
We do that because we are humans and in the end, humans are very silly creatures. :)
When the Chinese Warlord Lu Bei was on his deathbed he called his three sons in and had them each bring an arrow.
He put all three arrows in his hand and tried to bend them but couldn't and handed it to each of his sons to see if they could, and they could not.
Then he took the arrows one at a time and easily snapped them in half, and told his sons "As long as you work together no one will ever break you, if you split apart you will get broken one at a time."
Sometimes you just need someone to help you.
Janus,
That's a wonderful story. So appropriate. I needed that one today. Thank you.
Liz
Asking for help is indeed so easy for me because I actually love to help everyone. Wouldn't you be feeling the same, helping so much people out there and just for some moment asking for help. Just for the mere joy of asking for it? Feeling a bit that emotion someone feels when asking for it.
It makes me feel a bit childish instead of dependent that's why I love to ask for help. The day I would stop asking for help is when I would tell myself that I must act like an adult. :)
I wonder perhaps most adults don't ask for help because asking for help really shows the weakness of a person. Then perhaps adults don't want others to see their weaknesses.
That's why I want to remain a teen the rest of my life. Without caring whether others know my weaknesses. But hah adulthood waiting for me infront ;( and exams indeed ;(
Hans,
Your joy for life is something you must fight to always keep and you don't ever need to become too much of an adult -- look at me. I've managed to get by just fine keeping the kid in me alive. Hold on to that joy with both hand and your heart, friend and always see the world as a child would.
Indeed, I thought adolescence was just a period, a lapse of time. That's why I tried my max to enjoy every second of it as if I thought that would soon end.
But yeah Liz, how would you define if you were asked that kid in you? Would that be sometimes acting childish, acting careless?
I really thought that once a person gets to adult, he changes. That the view of things for him changes. Would that be so? Would growing indeed change our view of things and in return change us inside.
Sometimes what children see is wiser than what adults think they see. When you are 37 you still feel like the same person with just more experience and a little more learning -- it's probably how you feel about the difference between being 17 and 15. You don't really change. You can be an adult and be child-like, yet still mature, just as children can.
Wow!
But then would that be selfish if I like a teen see things adult does, that supposedly is good and is required but for me it is not. Would that be because of the experience?
Sometimes my point of view seems childish. Would my point of view be biased by my own age?
Then for e.g on blogs I know adults might be reading what I'm writing, then would that be unfair to write what I think. For e.g some people are really sincere about making money for their work and I just come and place my point of view on that. It feels like critics, but would that be so? I just wanted to bring my point of view.
Several times, I saw that my point of view contrast things said but actually I really don't know the correct way to address my view. I just want to make it feel like a point of view and not a critics.
Ahh seems like I should leave, deviating each time from the main post discussion. Sorry for that Liz, hope you won't mind.
Hans,
Isn't an old pair of shoes still the same pair of shoes just more worn and broken in? You can grow older like that if you are that kind of person. People become more of what they are as they get older, not less.
wow! woooooow! thanks for those kind words, they really value so much for me.
Ahhh, I'm loving this place. It's so nice and enjoying. But I hope next time I comment, I'll try my max to keep to the discussion. :(
Hans,
You are always welcome here and so are all of your thoughts.
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