Saturday, May 13, 2006

Growing Pains

It started over a year ago—this horrible karma, this kind of conspiracy of things just not working out. It happens to everyone at some point or other, but usually not so very long, and not quite so meanly. I own a part of whatever pulled the wall tumbling down, but I'm not quite sure why my feet couldn't ever find their way back to a place to stand.

There's some lesson I was supposed to learn. Yet no matter how hard or how softly I searched for it. I couldn't quite get my mind, my heart, to find a way to it. I let go of my needs, my notions. I rethought my beliefs of who I conceived I am. I walked into trees for months trying to find my way out of the forest. Nobody seemed to notice I was there, hopelessly lost, wandering aimlessly.

I'm good at looking like I know where I am going.

Then for no earthly reason, the trees seemed to open up letting in some sunlight. The sheer joy of it hurt my eyes, my heart, my soul. They all wanted to cry out when I saw that I might have a way to go. It scared me a little. I started walking with some direction. I still have no idea what's at the other end of where I'm walking.

I only know that it seems possible I finally could be leaving the forest, joining the world where people dance again. I wonder if I'm the same person I was over a year ago.

Growing pains means something different to grown ups.

—me strauss Letting me be

12 comments:

Cheryl said...

Villagers who stay put live happy lives and then cease.
Its the ones that dare the forest and get out, no matter how hard the travel is, that become legends.

Think Red Riding Hood, Snow White....

Huge waves of dappled sunshine at you. xxxxxx

ME Strauss said...

Hi Cheryl,
Thank you for your sunshine. It some right from the smile you put on my face. You are a wonder and oen in a million. I'm no legend. I'm just a working writer, who is grateful to have readers like you.

Michael said...

Ripples comes in wakes and waves. Life turns in circles. Days in dark and light. Looking forward to those times of ups to compliment the downs.

Take Care
Michael

ME Strauss said...

Hi Michael,
Thank you. I sure could use some and I look forward to them as well.

garnet david said...

I can relate to this. I often feel lost, even though no one else notices. Does this mean I'm imagining it?

You are the same person you were a year ago, but with more sunlight on you.

I like your questioning voice. Growth is never easy.

Have you read any Pema Chodron? My "bible" is her book "Comfortable with Uncertainty". I read it in snippets to give me perspective.

One sentence came to mind after reading your post. "When you start to take the warrior's journey, you're going to find that it's often extremely inconvenient."

ghl

ME Strauss said...

Dearest David,
Just the act of your visit always touches me. You are a kind one. Ah the warrior's journey, it is indeed inconvenient. Strange how getting lost is such a childhood fear and an adult reality. Wonderful that scatterlings have seers around them. lhg

Travis Morgan said...

Ups and downs - but with out the downs, would there be any ups?

I wonder if you were the same person you were a moment ago, yet alone a year ago!

ME Strauss said...

Hi Travis,
I feel like I am the same person I was 30 years ago. So I guess I'm no judge at all about that question.

garnet david said...

It was meant to be.

ME Strauss said...

Ah David,
My friend forever. I will always want to have that glass of wine with you, even after we have done it 1000 times

michaelm said...

I'm good at looking like I know where I am going.
I'm with you, Liz.
I think all of us need a bit of soul searching from time to time if only to make us fully aware of where it is we came from.
I've seen your blog while surfing BE and have found myself always lingering. Don't know why I haven't bookmarked you yet. Nice writing.
Keep that pen moving and maybe the directions out of the forest will suddenly appear.

best,

michaelm

ME Strauss said...

Thank you, MichaelM,
Can't do anything but keep walking or stand still. And I'm sure not too good at standing still. So I'll just have to find my way.

It's nice to know that you stop in when you can.