The Trick of the Teeter-Totter

My younger, older brother thought it was his role to teach me about people. He thought like my mother−that without a little more armor I didn’t stand a chance against the world. It was sure to eat me up. He often took it upon himself to teach me how to navigate with smarts. He was a cool kid and clever. I was a little girl without guile.

My big brother introduced me to the teeter-totter. Where I come from, we never called it a seesaw, except at school. The trick of the teeter-totter is know that all of the power lies not at the top, but at the bottom.

When I first began to ride the teeter-totter with my younger, older brother, I didn’t know the trick of the teeter-totter. He, of course, being a big brother got me in the air and left me up there. I was stuck with my legs hanging, shoes almost falling off.

“So kid, tell me. What will you do to get me to let you down?”

“Mikey, I don’t like this. Let me down now.”

“I could just get up and walk away. You’d come down, but it’d be crashing.”

“I want to get down. Please, let me down now. Don’t crash me. I want to get down. You’re scaring me, Mikey.”

He’d stand a bit, just to show me how it might be.

I was scared for real. He didn’t understand that. I wasn’t born with his take a risk gene. I really had a fear of heights and I didn’t like this game one bit. He was playing, at my end he’d have been having fun. He boasted 200 stitches by age seven. I think I’ll have seven stitches by the time I’m 200. We’re just totally different about what we think is fun, especially when there’s physical risk involved.

The teeter-totter is about the balance of two forces. Those two forces must be balanced and working coordinately. That’s the part that I didn’t know going in. I’d entered into a two-way bargain that relied on an equal partnership. I was supposed to hold my end. He was supposed to hold his. If one guy took advantage of the rules I the other guy ended up a prisoner in the air. That’s a risky thing for a little kid with a risk taking big brother, especially one who likes to make sure that she doesn’t walk into trouble.

“So, what will you give me to let you down?”

“Quit it. I want to get down. Right now.” I started crying.

“Okay, kid. Here you go. But watch out now for big kids who are meaner than me. You know, kid, you turn tears on like a faucet.”

You can’t find teeter-totters on playgrounds anymore. I couldn’t even find a good picture of one.

I completely understand why. I don’t really miss ’em.

−me strauss Letting me strauss