Some Things You Just Know

I wasn’t meant to win the lottery. I can wish it, but I can’t wish it so. That part of my life I am totally sure of. Some things in life you just know.

I don’t go chasing after happiness either. Happiness is one of those things that, like fun, I most enjoy when it takes me by surprise. Often I don’t even realize that I’m having it until I breathe and see only smiles around. Sometimes I think back upon good times gone by and wonder if I knew they were that good when they were happening. My guess is probably not. I probably knew they were good, but not how good—who ever does?

When I was young, I thought a day without fireworks and big events was hardly there. That such days were just plain boring and only made to mark time until the next occasion came. Real life had spark and the sparkle. I needed the jolt that made me feel alive. Then I’d need to talk about it, to relive it to know it really happened, to know I had a life.

I suppose that my spirit’s gotten older. My hormones have settled just a bit. I’ve gladly let go of my youth for a small bit of wisdom and far fewer dragons to slay. These days a dirt path is more rewarding than the fast lane. The feedback is richer, deeper, longer, and more lasting. I’d easily trade my cell phone, my car, and the Internet, the television, my headphones, and computer for a few simpler, quieter things tonight.

Tonight I’d like to go to a cabin with a piano and a friend who’d play for me. I’d like to dance. I’d like to listen to the wind blow through the trees without the sounds of machines. I’d like to dance. I long for a stuffed chair at a wooden desk with a sharp pencil and a leather journal, under a bright lamp near a window in Virginia. I’d like to look out that window all day long at the horses, thinking, writing for hours until one whole and complete thought has a chance to form and be reformed.

I’d watch the horses graze, slow as the grass grows. Never once would I worry about keeping up with myself. Like a dancer I would lead and I would follow all at once.

It would be engaging and peaceful at the same time too. Some things in life you just know.

I just know. Tonight I’d like to go to a cabin with a piano and a friend who’d play for me.

I’d like to dance.

—me strauss Letting me be