Monday, December 26, 2005

Out My Window

When I was small and the day was too big for me, I’d often find myself looking out my bedroom window. The room was small enough to hold me. The view was broad enough to give me space.

Staring out my bedroom window on a winter night, I’d see down the hillside beside my house, across the back field—white and sparkling stiff with snow. My eyes would trace the starlight up the bank to the river where the hockey players had smoothed the ice to a finish like glass. Even from my room, I’d know that I could see my face reflected in it. The surface was marble under the satin sky so black that it had turned back to blue.

Sitting at my window staring at three football fields of shimmering white with tiny sparkling crystals and that river of black ice so smooth, I knew on some nights that the Earth was outshining the stars. The pure silence and the beauty of it were enough to make this child feel her small bedroom was a church. If eyes could know things in their deepest meaning, mine surely were wise on those winter nights.

It's no wonder that understanding is called illumination. Nor is it a wonder that monks spent years painting illuminations of individual letters in one bible.

My eyes would feast with the pleasure of seeing so much perfect snow with not a foot print. Next to godliness I think the phrase is, but I hardly knew that then. The snow, the magic marble river, the stars in the blue-black sky, the trees—my eyes had so much to see. I was dazzled by the brightness in the darkness. It was all I could do to look and enjoy—to appreciate and be.

For the longest time . . . without moving . . . I would be completely taken by my seeing—engaged, enchanted, unaware of even breathing, fully alive.

Being without thinking is heavenly.
—me strauss Letting me be


mergrl said...

I would be completely taken by my seeing—engaged, enchanted, unaware of even breathing, fully alive.

Being without thinking is heavenly.

you paint such a beautiful scene for my mind's eye with your words Liz.

I have memories of standing on a snowy street, usually on Christmas Eve around midnight, its silent, eyes closed, just feeling the cold, feeling aive, and just being in the moment.

thank you for the beautiful memory (hugs)

hope you had a wonderful day my friend!

ME Strauss said...

Hi Mergrl,
Merry Christmas Day's end.
I like this part the best I think. When everyone's quiet and I can finally think or not think.
I like being alive.

Cheryl said...

Sounds like a lot of thought, actually - more like absorbing without calculating. But thats not poetic.

Lovely lovely image - thank you :-)

ME Strauss said...

Hi Cheryl,
It's like just being and leaving the brain on auto pilot for a while. :P
Hope your Holidays are still going on and are the best.


Melissa said...

Hi Liz dear,

Merry Christmas!!!

May all your wishes come true :-)

ME Strauss said...

Hello Melissa,
I was just thinking about you.
Merry Christmas.
I hope you're finding a way to escape to somewhere lovely for the holidays.

Betty said...

Oh, how I'd love to "be" without thinking! Those moments really have been the most heavenly, no doubt, and I wish I knew how to bring them on. Your beautiful post made me glad, for a change, that I live where it snows. I long for those bygone days when snow brought only good. Worries of car wrecks, closings and cancellations are of the adult world. But if we really see, even adults can appreciate the gifts of winter.

ME Strauss said...

Hi Betty,
You're right there is no silence like that of a night covered wiht snow. It makes everything peacefully silent--unless you have to drive. :)

Melly said...

Liz, you paint such nice imagery, but I can't help to always feel a little sad for little Liz.
I don't know, maybe it's the melancholy of the piece.

ANyways, hope you had a good holiday :)

ME Strauss said...

Hi Melly,
No ned to feel sad. It was just wonderful to have the time and beautiful night to look at.
Thank you a Merry Christmas to you as well. :)

ME Strauss said...

Thank you Tree,
I sure could stand to do a whole lot more of that.

Trée said...

"Being without thinking"

I could stand to do a little more of this. Peace to you Liz. :-)

dog1net said...

What a lovely, introspective image captured from childhood. Your word paintings have become quite vivid lately.

ME Strauss said...

Thanks Tree,
I feel like doing a lot more of being without thinking is just what I should be doing. :)

ME Strauss said...

Thank You Scot,
It is a most vivid image in my might and was so easy for me to put it down on paper. I see it all so clearly.

Jozef Imrich, Esq. said...

Rousseau writes: Nothing is more depressing than the general fate of men. And yet they feel in themselves a consuming desire to become happy, and it makes them feel at every moment that they were born to be happy. So why are they not?

Indeed, 'being without thinking is heavenly' ;-)

CODA: 2005's 11 Sexiest Geeks (includes Letting me be ;-)

The "mosaic" of wonderful bloggers

ME Strauss said...

Hello Jozef,
I hope you are doing well these days, enjoying your summer and searching for a reason for me to drink Australian coffee. Thank you for the compliments so artfully offered.