Thursday, November 10, 2005

Don't Worry about Me

Don’t worry I’m not still up. I just got up. I woke up from this dream.

This medication that I’m taking now has kicked up my metabolism. I don’t sleep much. I sleep like I eat—in short bursts. That doesn’t leave much time for deep sleep or for dreaming. So a dream is important, like my subconscious talking to me. I remember this much.

It was late at night, early morning. Kathy Sozoni, or it could have been my friend, Kathy Bondick—they look alike in real life too—she and I were walking, about to go through a hotel to come out the other side. Or was it a college dormitory? . . . It was a college dorm.

Kathy wore a black shift and black pumps. She took a black cell phone from her black purse. For some reason a cab driver, a college kid she knew, had called her in the middle of the black night. Kathy said hello and told him that it was a smart way to get fares, calling people he already knew were going to need a ride.

Her instructions were to meet her at her home by 12:30 a.m. She made it clear that he should not be late. She called him by his name. I got the feeling he’d been very late before. She made it clear that if he wasn’t there on time to set-up an appointment for the morning. She wouldn’t wait. She’d go to bed. She’d find another ride. He’d lose out. Did he understand that? Apparently he did. She put the phone away and we walked on.

As we approached the building, I noticed a black taxi-limousine out front. I knew it was this guy—Karl?—that had just talked to Kathy. We walked right by the car, the driver, and the girl inside.

In the hallway inside the building, I said, “Kathy, you know that was your driver-friend and I think he had the girl with him.”

She said, “He can meet me at home as we discussed.”

As we passed through the door to leave the building, we walked out into a courtyard with small trees and benches sitting empty under the misty midnight sky. The low brick-walled courtyard was clean, landscaped, and well lit. The moon and stars were there to say all was well in the universe.

i barely took the picture in, when the glass doors opened behind us. It was the cab driver and the girl. I thought of her as Nicole Kidman, but really she was more like Kate Hudson with some of Kate replaced with some of me.

The driver said, “Mrs. Sozoni, I have Julia with me. She’s pretty shaken up. She’d like to talk to you.”

Kathy walked away to think.

Kate-Hudson-named-Julia was shaking visibly. As I would do, I tried to say or do something to ease her stress.

This is what she said. It was almost a song:
“I don’t want to be shy.
I don’t want to be scientific.
I don’t want to be bli-i-ind.
Don’t worry about me.”


That’s when I awoke with such a terrible cramp in my right foot that I had to get up. I realized I had to write this down.

What do you think it means?
—me strauss Letting me be

16 comments:

Indeterminacy said...

I am never positive what dreams mean. But I enjoyed the mood of "black" that you created with your retelling of it.

Cheryl said...

It means what it says - that you follow this severe and professional persona which keeps control by scheduling everything so strictly, that there is one element of the story which can communicate with 'her' as equals even though he/it is sometimes less than the perfection she demands, and this 'rationally imperfect' communicator tries to draw her attention to a third element that is distressed by the way its all going - that doesnt want to be pinned down to such a narrow, 'logical' way of thinking and acting (scientific and blind) and is wishing she didnt hide away so much (shy).

IF you take the stance that all the people are you (except the you that was witnessing wasnt really part of the story) then part of you wants to find the strength to take a break from professionalism and come out and play, whilst the dominant part of you is saying there isnt time to discuss that, and somehwere in the middle is a practical element thats trying to keep both sides happy.

Bottom line - you are telling yourself that you are 'blind' - missing something - through overly professional time management and not enough simple fun and that somewhere inside, this is grating at you.

I think.

Does that help? No, thought not!

mojo shivers said...

Dreams are like thoughts pulling a scam. You never get their intention until they've long left you.

ME Strauss said...

Good morning Indie,
This is the dream I told you about. I talked it through with a friend. She had some possible ideas. I think I know what it means.

Yes the dream was black, but very safe and friendsly.

smiles,
Liz

ME Strauss said...

Hi Cheryl,

Wow! That was fabulous. You should do this for a living. It makes total sense to me in and out of the context of my life.

Thank you for taking the time to wirte it all down.
smiles,
Liz

ME Strauss said...

Hi Patrick,
You could be right, but once or twice I've at a dream--always when tsomething important was happening when it was just too hard to miss what I was trying to tell myself.

smiles,
Liz

easywriter said...

I am not good at interpreting dreams but Cheryl sure is. :o)

You conveyed the sense of urgency that made it seem so important to write this down and mull it over very well.

ME Strauss said...

Thanks easy,
I really didn't expect anyone do give me such a wonderful anaysis as Cheryl did. I was just wondering how people who react to this piece in general. Your comment helps. It's an insight on something I hadn't thought about.
smiles,
Liz

Anonymous said...

Hi Crayon Lady!

It's me! Back from the Bahamas! Ya Mon! ( After the hurricane I decided it would be a good place to hang out... I was right!)

More importantly, what do YOU think the dream means?

Isn't it true that the interpretation of a dream depends on one's state of mind? Aren't they just the way our poor little brain attempts to cope with reality? I wonder if it's not best to just leave one's brain to resolve some things on it's own - that way, instead of forcing some conclusion, it can be free to come to whatever is needed?

Recurrent dreams are another matter... have any? One of mine: the engine in my old Porsche is constantly stolen! I cannot stop this from happening! No matter what I do, the engine keeps being stolen & I have to keep buying it back.

I suppose a shrink would be able to give me a good interpretation - aren't they trained in such things? But then... how to be sure they know what they're talking about?

As always, too many questions.

E

ME Strauss said...

Welcome home, E Crayon,
I was starting to wonder how you were doing . . .

I worked out what my dream means before I shared it with you. I didn't want what people said to color my thinking. Cheryl's interpretation is very close to my own. I have a few more details and insights, of course.

Your dream is easy, you're afraid that you're going to lose that brilliant mind of yours. No worries. You already have. :) Funny it still works for you. Magic!
smiles,
Liz

Anonymous said...

> "...you're afraid that you're going to lose that brilliant mind of yours. No worries. You already have. :) Funny it still works for you. Magic!"

Heh! That's true! But then, why be sane when surrounded by insanity? Is this why I enjoy Vonnegut so much?

E

ME Strauss said...

Well, I'm not sure why you like to read KV and as far as crazy goes . . . not to worry it's just a point of view. I offer you this reference for your reading pleasure. http://lettingmebe.blogspot.com/2005/10/different-point-of-view.html>
smiles,
Liz

Janus said...

It means you got a chance to dream, congrats :) I don't know much about dreams sorry. If I remember a dream its because I got woken up abruptly

ME Strauss said...

Thank you Janus,
For a while there I think I was living jet lag from not dreaming.

Maybe my body has finally gotten used to this medication.

I wish you sweet dreams and very soon.

smiles,
Liz

dog1net said...

Liz:
As you know from my experience, I am not an interpreter of dreams, but your detailed recounting of what you dreamed, and the effect it seemed to have on you, especially in its emotional context of mood and color, I thought made for exceptional writing.
Scot

ME Strauss said...

Thank you, Scot,

I'm always surprised and speechless to hear you say such things.

thank you.
Liz